Tális is bi+, pansexual, polyamorous, and non-binary. They now wear their queer identities with pride, but that was not without challenges. They also believe that the queer community in The Hague should become much more visible. For Tális, Pride is a great opportunity to show the outside world that you can be yourself.
Watch the video here or read their story.
Introduce yourself…
My name is Tális Cliteur. I am 31 years old. My pronouns are they, her and diens. This means that I use they/them and die/diens as well as she/her. However, I prefer gender-neutral language.
How do you celebrate your identity?
It’s hard to sum up how I celebrate my identity in a few words. I mean, I am and I have many identities. Intersexuality means that I can’t see my identities separately. I’m pansexual and I can express that because I’m also polyamorous and have two partners, one who looks male and one who looks female. If I show up at an event with both of them, it’s immediately clear: I’m attracted to multiple genders. The fact is that when you’re bi+ and therefore attracted to multiple genders, you’re judged by who you’re with and your sexuality is reduced to that. But people are always so much more than meets the eye.
What helped you discover yourself?
What really helped me discover myself was finding out that I have autism and ADHD. I sometimes felt like a broken neurotypical person, but it made me know that okay, it’s not that I’m not trying hard enough to fit in, it’s that I’m hardwired in a way that’s not the norm. I once said as a teenager: the weirdest thing I could ever do is get a pink mohawk and a nose ring. And look at me now, yeah gosh.
But that was also because I was so stuck behind that previous mask. I was in a straitjacket that told me how I should be, instead of being myself. And finding out that I’m so intrinsically different, that did help me embrace myself in all my queerness, my non-binary, my pansexuality and my polyamory, I’m just not like the norm. So fuck it, I’m just going to do what makes me happy.
What do you want to tell your younger self?
What I would like to tell my younger self is that, no matter how weird some things are seen, if it’s what makes you happy, you should just go for it. And not for something that’s presented on a silver platter on TV. That that’s what it’s supposed to be. That that’s what you should strive for. You don’t have to have a nuclear family. A husband with 3 kids and a house, car, pet story. You don’t have to. You can just choose to be and want something completely different than what’s being presented to you now. There are more options than that!
And what would you like to share with others?
What I would like to tell people who are struggling with who they are, maybe with their sexuality, or with their gender identity, is that it is okay to step outside of the norm, even though it is very scary. I get that it is very scary. It is different from anything you have ever seen, different from anything you have ever experienced. But there are others like you. You are not alone. You are not alone. You may be in a situation where it is not completely accepted at home, but there are always spaces where you can go and find people who will understand you. You are not alone, always remember that.
What is it like for you to live in The Hague?
I notice that it depends a lot on which neighborhood you live in, how accepted it is to be unclearly queer and to clearly come out with your queer identity. I now live in a neighborhood where that is normally somewhat accepted, but even there I was pelted with stones and twigs once. Just because I was walking hand in hand with my girlfriend. It depends a lot on who you meet. Although I also notice that, because it is a big city, it is less looked at than in smaller cities or villages. I also lived in a smaller village. There you stand out a lot if you are a bit outside the norm. It is easier in a city because you have more anonymity. But at the same time, acceptance could still be much better in The Hague.
What does Pride mean to you?
Pride for me is both a celebration of being yourself, but also a protest. We live in a world where certain norms apply, which means you can’t always be yourself on the outside. You can’t fully embrace yourself. We all wear a mask and Pride means taking off that mask and embracing who you really are on the inside.
Why is Pride The Hague important?
I think Pride The Hague is important because much more needs to be done around queer acceptance in The Hague and acceptance starts with visibility. A Pride is a clear grand gesture from a city that embraces this solidarity. That is a very clear signal that this should also be possible here. That is why it is important that The Hague, as the third largest city in the Netherlands, finally has a Pride again.
Why should people come to Pride The Hague?
Well, because it’s going to be really fun and we’re finally going to color The Hague completely rainbow again. But also because the queer community in The Hague has remained invisible for far too long. The more people the better and we have to show that you can be yourself in The Hague too. That’s why it’s so important that we all just do that Walk and celebrate different identities together.
In the context of Pride The Hague 2024, stories are shared from people from the queer community of The Hague.
If you want to share your own story, click here for more information.
